ANXIETY

Can you feel my pain?? 

Class begins tomorrow, and I'm not ready. I haven't really prepared anything, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The week will only be two days long, and full of administrative things, so hopefully things will be alright, but still....what if I can't be mean again? What if I don't do the rules correctly, or my kids kill me on the first day (figuratively speaking, of course)? My 5th period is going to have 41 students, and that number will only grow before the second or third week is out. I'm sure that I won't even have enough desks. I hate that. When the kids have no place to sit, disorder begins right away. I don't know where to put them, I don't know who is sitting where, I can't learn names, and I never know who is absent and who is present. I don't like calling out roll for 41 students every day. It takes a thousand years. But maybe that'll be helpful for the first week. Just call names for half an hour and everything will be good. :) I just plan on going over rules the first day. I'm trying to decide whether I want to give them a homework assignment, or whether I want them to write in class on Friday. If they write on Friday, then that gives them something to do. But what if they don't do it, or it's not enough. Some will say they don't have enough time, and others will waste it away because it's too easy. I wanted them to write me whatever they want (within reason -- no profanity, no drug or sex references, etc.), because I'm tired of reading the same thing, and I want to know what they want to tell me (about their families, lives, likes, dislikes, vacations, etc.). Alternatively, I could give them the assignment for homework tomorrow. But then what will we do on Friday? Life is just too difficult, isn't it?

I'm extremely nervous about going into my second year of teaching. I mean, on some level, I should be more secure. I have a whole year under my belt, and I've learned so much from experience. Yet, there is one distinct difference. There is more riding on this year. Last year I was new. I KNEW that it was going to be hell and that I was going to suck major ass. I was prepared for things to go wrong (well, not as wrong as they did, but hey...I like surprises, right? Right??). This time around, however, I should have improved. I SHOULD have a better handle on the class and the material. I should actually be able to teach. This year I'm assessing whether or not this is the profession for me and whether I will stay with this line of work or consider other alternatives.