Living

On Friday night I went out to the movies in South Gate. I’ve never been to that theater before, and I’m not sure if I want to go back there again. The place was crawling with my students. I like a lot of the kids I teach, so I’m not trying to say anything bad about them (not this time, at least), but I felt extremely uncomfortable seeing them on my own time. I was wearing clothes that were very casual, and my shirt didn’t reach my pants. I just felt exposed. Also, Diego was holding me and being affectionate, and the whole time I was looking around to see who was watching. I didn’t like the feeling at all.

We are always so careful at school. I don’t hug him, I don’t hold hands with him, I don’t touch him at all. I don’t even look at him that much, because I’m afraid of drawing unwanted attention. I understand that we were on personal time Friday night and that we weren’t at work (so assumedly the constraints of the workplace would be lifted), but I still couldn’t break the habit. Students that see me like that at the movies are going to talk about it. They’re going to look at me differently when they come back to class and have something to say about me and my personal life. I don’t like that in the least.

On another note, someone that Diego knew was shot on Saturday night. He was over there all Sunday and seems pretty upset about it. He said it scared him and made him think about the fact that anything can happen at any time. I think this is interesting. Well, first of all, this is one of the themes on which I had my students write essays last week. Needless to say, it’s been a topic of discussion for awhile in my class. However, I also think about this idea all the time. I always consider the fact that anyone I know could be dead the next day. There are no guarantees. I could die. Just a few weeks ago I fell asleep on the freeway and my car drifted almost completely into the next lane. I was lucky there was no car there, or else I may not have survived the accident.

When I was in college, someone from my church fellowship passed away. He and some others finally graduated and were celebrating their freedom with a trip to Hawaii. They all decided to go swimming by this waterfall, and at one point there was only one guy in the water. He started flailing his arms and motioning as if in need of assistance. Noise from the waterfall was covering anything he might have been saying. However, there was a rock very nearby. His friends assumed that he could have grabbed onto it for help. They thought he was just playing around, and they turned away. When they looked again awhile later, he was gone. He ended up drowning that day.

This actually impacted me greatly. I didn’t know him well, but he was one of the first people I knew personally to have died. It was even more than that. He went to my church. He went to my University. Our lives (at school at least) were so similar. I saw myself in him. I could just imagine graduating from college, feeling like I had finally accomplished my educational goals, and then losing everything right at the last moment. It hit me pretty hard, and ever since then I’ve kept the fact that life is fleeting in mind. No one knows when they’re going to go. Anything can happen to any one of us. Knowing this should prompt me to spend more quality time with those I love. But it doesn’t always. It’s strange how laziness can usurp all plans.

I think I’ve done a lot in my life (thanks to either myself, my friends, or my parents). I’ve been all over the United States. I’ve traveled to twelve foreign countries. I’ve played a variety of musical instruments, been to plays, musicals, symphonies, concerts, and sports events. I’ve sang the national anthem at a Raider’s game. I’ve sailed, acted, swam, played tennis, edited a newspaper, and written different kinds of works. I’ve met people of almost every nationality and ethnicity, tried almost every kind of food, lived away from home, finished college, had a full time job, been in love, had my heart broken, and experienced death. I’m actually fairly satisfied with the life I’ve lived thus far. Of course there are a million more things I wish I had done, and there are still a billion things I still wish to do. However, I’ve accomplished many of my goals and know that I am far ahead of most people. I’ve still never had sex, but hey, there’s still time, right? :]