Working it on my own...

Wow. I haven't written anything in over a year. I guess it's about time to start again. However, instead of detailing my life and my relationship, I'll ramble on and on about my breakup and how the heck I'm managing (or not).

Okay, so today was one of the first nights I've been out without Diego. I went to one of our/my favorite spots: Cinespace. The Bourne Ultimatum was playing, and I really wanted to see that, but never got around to it. Part of the reason was that Diego was always "working." The movie was good, but the food wasn't too hot tonight. At least the service was on, except for the fact that our waitress forgot to put in the order for my souffle. But then again, I didn't really need the extra calories.

We stayed for the club, which was fun, but awkward. I haven't been clubbing without Diego for a really long time, and I'm almost freaked out about dancing by myself. With him, I always had a partner. Tonight, I felt really alone and kind of like a loser. Isn't that sad? I shouldn't need a man to dance with so that I can have fun. Unfortunately, that was the case this evening. I just felt weird and out of place.

Earlier this evening, on the way to picking up Alex, we drove by school, and I saw Diego outside his car. That was interesting. I haven't seen him in about three weeks. That's the longest I've gone without seeing him in four years, except for the three weeks I spent in the UK last summer, and I think that might actually have only been two and a half. So yes, this is the longest period of time that we've been apart. Wow. I'm really going to have to get used to being independent and without him. I feel a bit lost.

I know this sounds lame and naive, but I really don't know how I'm going to get through this or how I'm going to do this in general. I think about him everywhere I go, even if I don't go anywhere. It's ridiculous. I was thinking about him in the car, during dinner, throughout the movie, while waiting for the club, while dancing, on the way home, and now at home. I feel like a crazy person.